Who Are You?

This episode digs into understanding who you really are and why it matters in everyday life. Discover the self-definition you should be using along with assessing your values and wants. Learn to explore yourself and your mindset with hosts Daisy Papp & Kathi Tait. 

Kathi

Hello everybody and welcome to another edition of Bald and Blonde. I am Kathi Tait, the baldwarrior and with me is Daisy Papp from America. Hi, Daisy.

Daisy

Hello, hello, everyone. Hello, Kathi. And yes, it's a wonderful, wonderful other stormy night and I know you're in future time. I know. I know. But I'm getting used to it. That's fine.

Kathi

Yes, I am in the future for Daisy. Hi everybody from Australia down under. We are embracing the world from both ends, aren't we Daisy? You're from America, and I'm from down here. And between us, we want to reach all of you out there around the globe.

Daisy

Yes, we're embracing the globe with our wisdom. And I mean it in a humble way. But we found out during our own life stories, that there are shortcuts and we want to share them to make your life better in the year right now, things that you can really think about right here right now, things that you can implement into your life to just make wonderful changes and make your life more wonderful. Therefore, it will have an impact on all the lives of those surrounding you.

Kathi

And on that note, today, we want to talk about who are you. Now this is a question that when I first heard it, really made me stop and think because Daisy came at it from a point of view that I hadn't entirely considered before. So I start with how I used to be when I was asked, "who are you" and asked to introduce myself, I would always say my name and what I did. I'm an accountant. I'm a coach. I'm an author. I'm a speaker, but they are things that I do, right? They're not actually who I am. Are they Daisy?

Daisy

Yes. Usually when you ask a person so who are you then people share with what they identify themselves. So well, I'm the CEO of [inaudible] and I have achieved 20 marathons and I won three gold medals and I have a Ferrari and I have this boat, this is my jet, this is my wife, this is my lover, this is and so forth. And I remember one time I was at a gallery opening at [inaudible] in then somebody walked up to me and asked me "and who are you?" And I said, "well, I am how I behave."

And that person was quiet rolling their eyes then because they saw it because in NLP, for example, we have the eye movements, I remember if he was searching, you know, for data that would match what he just heard because me too, in the past, I would have suggested, well, my name is Daisy Papp, I was born and raised in Germany. My mother was German, my father was Hungarian, they fell in love in the south of Germany, at Lake Constance. And I'm the fruit of love.

 And that did define where I came from. But how does it describe who I am? And one of my teachers brought it really to my attention when he said, well, you are how you behave. Because it's not that true. I had a discussion with my son the other day, and he said, Yeah, well, but you know, this and that person. They're such a nice person. But when they get mad, they're really, really awful. And I said, look, a nice person will behave like a nice person, no matter the circumstances. And maybe we slip here and there and get agitated, but nevertheless, behavior is always a choice. And when I stopped identifying myself with my belongings, I don't identify myself with the zip code I live in, with the phone number I have, with the phone I have, with the clothing I wear, with the looks I present or represent. I'm not identified by my job. I'm not identified by my passion, by my family members or the lack of, by my car or not having a boat because I don't even want to own one. But that's very usual here in the Florida Keys, because the best is when you have a friend who has a boat so you don't have the maintenance fees.

But once we can stop identifying ourselves with surroundings, with things we feel attached to, that is I do believe when our true value comes to the surface. And this pandemic is a very, very good example because many people were not able to show off their Ferrari or Lamborghini, right because they had to stay home. And they went nuts in their penthouse apartment right? They went nuts on their super mansion on the private island because did it really matter anymore? They couldn't even appreciate the comfort in which they were living, which they were so accustomed to, because they weren't able to share. Their food was how they present themselves to the outer world. And that feedback, helped them boost their self worth and now that it was all gone, it's like a house of cards. It just implodes, and where's the value, and that is when people needed to start facing their own challenges, their own limiting beliefs, and I think there's a huge chance in it when we stop identifying ourselves with that particular job. Because I, well I have a CEO, I have a personal assistant and then I have my secretary and then this is my attorney and this is my office and all of a sudden the office was closed. The assistant was sitting at home in her you know, jogging pants, and her sweater and doing zoom meetings or phone calls, preferably so nobody sees the mess in the hair and you know, the outgrown fake nails and such. And all of a sudden we were able to reflect on really who we are. So who are you, Kathi?

Kathi

Such a great question. You know, and I know that personally for years, I was stuck in the mindset of needing external validation, which is exactly what you're talking about. For me, it was a big life lesson to learn that validation needed to come from within myself and not from other people and learning that literally changed my world, changed the way I saw myself, changed the way I felt about myself. It helped me stop having a victim mindset and take my own power back. It was such a key to learning about who I was and what I stood for, and it changed everything for me.

You know, I struggled for many, many, many years having alopecia and feeling so different from everybody else, feeling you know, I honestly believed I was a freak of nature because as a child nobody else had what I had. And so I grew up needing external validation very badly because I was so unsure of myself and had such low self worth. And learning this lesson was huge. And I realized that you know, I struggled for years personally and then for years I educated myself as an accountant and grew some self esteem professionally, but then also came to the realization that that actually, while it had been propping up my confidence, it wasn't who I was either and I had to sit down and really re-examine my own, even look at for the very first time properly, my own set of values, what I believed in, what was important to me and who I believed I was as a person, you know, was I kind, was I considerate, was I an optimist, was I all these things that I had always believed deep down that I was but I had kind of shoved in a box to deal with life and so I had this realization that I am all these wonderful things and it's okay to be those things and to stand on those things. And no matter what I've done in my life, good or bad, whatever I've learned or you know, studied or realized, or those are all just products that add up to my own personal self belief and my own personal confidence in how I'm going to go forward in this world. So it was a huge thing for me.

Daisy

I can relate to that. When I was 17 and became an orphan, I felt amputed, as if I was cut off my legs and arms and that is how I felt for years. Because I identified myself with the family and the family values. Of course, as a 17 year old, I was not accessing the mindset that I have today. And I understand that 17 year old who I was back then, and I feel really sorry that she was so insecure and so helpless and so lonely. Although there were a ton of people around her trying to take advantage, of course, as well in trying to be there for her also with a good heart. And when I realized, well, I am how I behave, and what is my personality? Well, the teaching, writing books, composing music, being on stage and all the things that I've done over the decades, when I stopped identifying with it, my life became so much fuller and richer, almost difficult to put it into words.

Because now I am the essence of me. And I can behave that way. Not 24/7, because do I slip at times? Yes, but I catch myself and I take action to repair in case there was damage done. And I do believe that is also who am I, it's part of behavior. And actually, when we look at the book, the 5+2 = The Formula for Finding True Love, it becomes very clear that it is true that our behavior can be something we choose. When I hear people telling me, "well, you make me so upset." But how am I doing that honey?

Kathi

Yeah, people need to take responsibility for their own actions and blame less on others.

Daisy

What because it is maybe my behavior or my action triggered something in you and you respond with anger to it being upset, but it's not like a shoe box that is full with upset and then I give it to you and now it's yours, so I make you upset. That's not how it goes. (Laughter). So something I do may irritate you or agitate you, and then you are responsible, how you handle your behavior and how you perceive it.

Kathi

Yes.

Daisy

How you handle it, and that's where the power lies.

Kathi

Yes, absolutely. I think that this is key because it's fine to, one, talk about this and say, this is what it is, and this is how we should be. But I'm sure the people out there are going well how do we choose that? What's the first step Daisy that they need to take, to you know, start being this way and to let go of the external validation and to let go of the ego and all those things that we've been taught to do and believe. So how do we let go of them?

Daisy

There are a lot of methods out there, they lead to specific results. I do believe it's a process. It is not something that well, it's possible to do it overnight, but it's not something that people usually learn overnight. I do believe it's like peeling an onion. So it's like layer after layer, after layer. And we look at ourselves sometimes from the outside. So there are some meditations out where refers to your cases there where you are. And now just close your eyes and imagine as if you stood in the room and see yourself sitting on that chair and just observe. And that I think, is not everyone can do it easily. It's learnable but oftentimes, the thing of it is, of course, we have mirrors, usually in our house and we see ourselves but these are usually only snippets of time in our life, but oftentimes in a conversation for example, can I see myself from the outside? How is the other person perceiving me, because we don't see ourselves from the outside. That is why it's so important to receive feedback.

Now, I do believe the feedback is also only as valuable as the value system of the person giving the feedback. Let's really distinguish between who do we listen to, because let's say there's this poor junkie on the street and he wants, you know, just another shot of drug that he needs to feel a moment of comfort, and I would listen to his judgment or feedback it may bring me elsewhere than when I listen, for example, I have lovely lovely neighbors here, in their eighties and they're so wise people and when I ask them something, I know that there comes a very, very valuable, very modest and very sincere feedback, non judgmental, so that is something that lifts me up.

Don't listen to everyone be very selective. It's like food. If you'd walk on the street and you're hungry and you see someone just threw out of their truck, a fast food piece of.. don't eat it, and then you pick it up and would eat it. Don't pick everything up, don't pick the junk, search for your feedback people that are trustworthy, that are consistent. I do believe that is something that everyone can start doing. I had a young lady who was a client of mine and she said, Daisy, but you know, if I would really do what you're telling me to really just surround myself with people with a high value system, morals, integrity, I would be desperately lonely. Nobody would be left, and I said, maybe then that's what you need to do. So she came to the realization that the quality of people she surrounded herself with was holding her back in her self-development, was holding her back in her family establishment, was holding her back in her work, was holding her back in her career, was holding her back in every single aspect.

So she made some changes and then she came back to me a few months later, and she says, Well, you know what I discovered? Some people of my family members, they're really not trustworthy, what am I supposed to do with them? I said, Well, you were born, you didn't choose your family, as far as I know, unless you remember that you chose them specifically. And of course, she denied and then I say, well, you just need to put them into place. No matter the bloodline. An ugly person is an ugly person. And an ugly person is a person who behaves in ugly ways. That's to me an ugly person. And a kind person is a kind person, no matter when and even when they are upset, they're still very kind. And I say, do you know, let me just collect myself. I'm really having a bad moment. Let me take a few minutes and I will be back. I will be back. I'm not leaving you. I'll be back. Just let me recollect myself so I can give you the best version of myself.

Kathi

That's great. I love that.

Daisy

Is it okay to be upset? Yeah, sometimes I've received these calls, you know, oh, yeah. Can you give me like a certificate that I did anger management with you? I said, No. They said, why not? I said, Well, I don't give certificates but I'm more than happy to help you. Yeah because, you know, everywhere I go, everybody says anger is bad. It's bad. It's horrible and my anger and my anger really stands in my way. Anger is a survival skill. Nothing bad and nothing wrong with anger, what you do with it? That's your choice. And that's learnable.

So back to your question, what can we do right here right now? It is a process. Start reading books you feel that you resonate with, you can look at our books. Kathi's just in the process of writing some awesome literature, I'd say and okay, sneaky, sneaky. I'm, I hope I'm not popping the pop ahead of time. But I'm going to write some comments and maybe the foreword with it, we'll decide on that. And you can also look up my books. You can find them on Amazon or on my websites on my personal website or on the self recoding website and start reading, continue listening to our podcast, continue listening to other podcasts that make you feel that you're receiving value, essence of value. That is what we're accomplishing here we're giving you essence because Kathi and I we were both in desperate life situations not once, not twice, but several times and we surfed them like a surfer would a great great wave. Some other people would have drowned and we made it and we want to give back so that you do not have to suffer longer than necessary that you can self develop in a much faster way. It's like going from these old Kodak films that needed to be developed and then you had to wait a week and then you know when you got them then you looked at these films and then you said yeah, I want this photo and then you need to wait another week. And today you have a cell phone and you make a photo and you can see it immediately you can print it out, you can send it to Walgreens here and have printed out within the hour. That is what we are trying to do. We want you to take you from being conditioned to really kind of a futuristic instant transformation and that is what mindset evolution is all about.

Kathi

Absolutely, absolutely. And I think actually, it might be good point right now to share with our audience, our values exercise, because I think that this is an important place for it to be inserted to help people realize what is really important to them. Because that is so much a way. I mean, a part of how we behave right is what is important to us. So would you agree this would be a good time to send our listeners and we'll put it down in the podcast notes, send them over to I think we'll put it in our Facebook group where we have the values exercise. So if you're keen to dig into this subject, guys, the link is down below. Come on over and get stuck in deep with us because we'll take you through an exercise that will really help you figure out what's really important to you and move forward with that at the top of your mind space.

Daisy

And in the meantime, we can give you a short version. So oftentimes when I ask people, So what is this that you really want? I don't know. But I know for certain I don't want that anymore. So what you can do right here right now you can just think about some things that you really, really do not want in your life and write them down. Just jot them down on a piece of paper. I always prefer when people write with a hand and a pen on a paper, but you can also type it in your notes on your smart device. Just write down: Okay, so I don't want my boss being nasty with me. Okay, then the next one. I don't want my neighbor's dog barking. By the way, yes, I mentioned the neighbor's dog all the time. I don't have the mean ugly dog in my neighborhood. No, I have two lovely, cute, cute schnauzer dogs that are the friendliest animals on planet Earth. I'm sorry, not that you think that I'm a dog hater or something, somebody thinks they need to come and shoot that dog or something like that. (Laughter)

So put down what you really don't like, for example, well, I don't like the way my body feels because I'm overeating and emotionally eating or I'm just not eating or I'm drinking not enough water, I'm dehydrated all the time. So write down what you don't want. And once you've jotted it down, I would limit it for now to maximum 10 points and then you just turn the page and each single point you turn that into positive. So first was your boss who's all the time nagging at you? So what would you like to have instead? Well, I would like to have an employer who values me who treats me with respect and dignity, cherishes and appreciates what I'm bringing to the table, write that down. You turn something you don't want into a goal, which is positive. The next one, the bastard dog barking here right all the time. Then you say, well, I would love to be surrounded with peaceful animals, flora and fauna, and everything is just in balance if we were all in a beautiful symbiosis at peace and harmony. So that's your goal then, and the last one, okay, my body is consistently dehydrated or I just don't like that I'm junk eating or I'm binge eating. Or I'm, let's say eating fast food, some unhealthy things or I'm not drinking enough water so then I can turn the page and turn it into a positive. Well, I feel attracted to healthy food that nourishes my body that supports the functions of my body. And I love drinking water, I would love to enjoy drinking water to hydrate my body as it needs hydration.

So now you turned all the negative already into the positive and then in the link and in our Facebook group we're going to dig into that deeper because there's a whole process to it where we even can go and expand into Who's your dream partner and how to get there. Ooh!

Kathi

That sounds exciting. (Laughter) Cliffhanger that one guys. You'll have to come over into the group to get that info.  

Daisy

Yes, yes. Create your dream life is so possible with the right tools and then acquiring the skills. And it's possible. We did it. And when we did it, trust me, you can to.

Kathi

Absolutely, absolutely. So we're going to leave you there today guys, that is our episode on Who Are You and we hope it gave you some real food for thought and we added an urge to take action as well, because that's what we like to do. We like to make you think and then we want you to take action.

Daisy

Yes and comment below and give us a good review because we want to serve you as best as possible. You can also give us some hints what you would like to have discussed here on the podcast, we can also receive your emails and we will work with you and we're more than happy to hear what you have to say and how we can help you make your life more wonderful.

Kathi

Absolutely. That is our goal to help everybody out there. So please do share the love as well. Let your family and friends know about our podcast and come along the journey with us because we're really, really excited to help effect change.

Daisy

And remember, you are how you behave.